Dear Re-form Person,

I have two questions – first, why is the Higgs particle called the “God Particle”? And second, will understanding the “God Particle” help me find quality used office furniture?

          Gotta Know

Seriously, it seems like ever since they fired up that Large Hadron Collider this summer, people have been doing nothing but asking the Re-form Person about what the discovery of the God Particle will mean to the used office furniture industry. Our lines have been snarled-up for a month, so it’s time to set the record straight.

All right, the first answer; why “God Particle”? Years ago, Peter Higgs first wanted to publish his dark matter theory under the title, “The Goddamn Particle”, but his publisher didn’t share his frustration with finding the speck, and thought the title “The God Particle” would sell better. Though it is unarguably a compelling title, it makes other physicists sick when they hear it, and these days Higgs is down to hanging out with known felons and fabric reps.

Now, the second question; what’s it got to do with office furniture? Simply put, the Higgs Particle gives garden variety particles mass, so be sure your office furniture has plenty of them or it will dissipate at the speed of light before you can even add it to your depreciation schedule. Just remember this my friend, used office furniture from Re-form is loaded with Goddamn Particles, so it’s going to last.